Wednesday, 13 January 2010

Brilliant Scientific Discovery: Fat Ass=Healthy

Apparently "new research" has "proven" that you need to have a fat ass to be healthy!

This is a brilliant discovery with fantastic application, like most scientific discoveries. All you have to do is move the fat from your belly to your ass and then you'll be healthy. Easy! Great! Thanks Doc for your great advice. We'll all get right onto that.

In case you were wondering HOW you might shift the fat to your ass, you probably can't. But with the help of the female hormone ESTROGEN you CAN make yourself especially fat on your ass so the good Doctor will be impressed at your new pearish-shape.

Estrogen is that wonderful hormone that makes you fat, psychotic, water-retentive, impotent, depressed, grows your breast cancers etc etc. But doctors consider estrogen 'good' because, even though it ruins your life, it does tend to lower "bad cholesterol" (whatever that is).

Fortunately estrogens are everywhere: at least 50% of the foods at the supermarket are packed full of phyto-estrogens from soy! Plastic bags and containers give you cancer-causing xeno-estrogens. Pesticides in supermarket fruits and veggies give you all kinds of wierd and wonderful estrogens. Estrogen is EVERYWHERE!!! Just look for the sickest, fattest, most psychologically unwell people you can find and ask what they eat. Estrogen will be at the heart of it all.

Eventually you'll wind up at the Doctors and, impressed with your fat ass and swollen nipples he'll probably tell you something like this:
"Well Miss, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is: you are 60% bodyfat; you are on a constant roller-coaster-ride of estrogen-enduced emotional irrationality; you don't have enough muscle to stand up and nobody would even dream of having a sexual relationship with your disgusting, fat ass. You're also guaranteed to get breast and ovarian cancer any minute now. But thats OK cos we can just cut off your tits and slice your vagina open to remove your ovaries. You're gonna be a hideous, emotional, pear-shaped, fat-ass with craters for tits and scaring all over your belly and you won't be able to ever have sex. But the good news is that you won't get heart disease or diabetes!"

And then if you explain that you are a man the doctor will probably say "Well thats great! You won't have ovarian cancer then!"

Saturday, 9 January 2010

Proof Body Dysmorphia Doesn't Exist

If you're a bodybuilder who is frustrated by low-standard, idiot, pop-psychologists running around saying you have 'body dysmorphia', now you have definitive proof that they're wrong. Zack Khan is living breathing proof that you ARE muscularly pathetic and inadequate; no matter who you are! Behold:


Wednesday, 16 December 2009

The New World Order

The World has changed. Things that were always obvious, simple and true are now just wrong. In case you missed some of the big ones, here they are:

  • the sun - which gives life to the entire planet - will kill you with cancers; but it isnt warming the planet
  • eating eggs - the most nutritious food on earth - will kill you; but estrogen-reinforced gluten and sugar grits topped with lactose is a healthy part of a 'balanced' diet
  • cholesterol - crucial to life, health and all cellular function of all mammals - will kill you; but alcohol is essential to good health
  • you must love yourself completely as you are; don't change; irrespective of how dishonest, nasty, vindictive or downright evil you are. Don't change or fix the things you don't like about yourself; take an anti-depressant so you just don't care!
  • we no longer care that the Church calls us filthy, lowly, guilty sinners; now we know that emitting carbon - like the ocean does... and breathing... and the natural breakdown of all life and waste - makes us all filthy, lowly, guilty sinners
  • we must be tolerant and accommodating to all people and cultures; including those who want to kill us all because we exist
  • the free market is evil and dangerous because it helps our corrupt Government caretakers create disingenuous laws under the guise of 'protecting' us when, in fact, they're designed to benefit Companies and harm us. So we need to give more power to our corrupt Government caretakers to make more laws to 'protect' us!
  • the CODEX agreement will make dangerous vitamin C a restricted, prescription only item; but flouride is added to the water to keep your teeth healthy
  • Growth Hormone is the only drug too dangerous to prescribe for off-label use such as recovery from injury because it is completely safe and incredibly effective. Cortisone is the best choice for injury recovery because it cripples the immune system, causes strain on the heart, liver and kidneys and degenerates tissue
  • testosterone - without which we get very, very sick physically, mentally and sexually - is far too dangerous to prescribe for a recognised medical problem; but margarine reinforced with estrogen is 'good for you' because it will lower your cholesterol
  • Tuesday, 13 October 2009

    Don't Buy Supplements In Australia

    In the US, a 4.5kg box of Dymatize Elite Whey Protein will cost you $61. In Australia, for the same product, you're lucky if you get change from $160! The ever popular NO Xplod costs just $33 in the US - $90 in Aus. Bad Ass Mass: $28 vs $120 here. Etc etc etc.

    $30 doesnt buy much these days. Its $30 just for 2 people to go to a movie! But $100 is different. You CAN buy things for $100. And when you spend $100 on something you probably had to consciously give up something else you would've liked.

    So when it comes to supplements, spending $30 for a months worth of crazy tasting, crazy looking pre-workout caffeine hits is OK. Its a toy. Its throwaway money for some recreational fun. You are getting your moneys worth even when you are intelligent enough to realise that supplements don't 'do' anything. (NOTE: the hype about supplements growing muscle or burning fat is just an outright ludicrous lie! Saying a supplement will grow your muscles is like saying a tyre will transport you somewhere by itself. Its just silliness. Don't be fooled)!

    But in Australia its different. For whatever reason, a $30 supplement will cost $100-$150 here. All of a sudden the value proposition is changed. Its gone from throw-away, recreational money to a serious spend. You wouldn't pay $120 to go to a regular movie in a regular cinema. You wouldnt pay $120 for a regular CD. You wouldn't pay $120 for a regular pasta meal in a pub. So why would you spend $120 on the latest American $30 supplement?

    I run a supplement shop and yet I've always maintained that supplements are mostly a total waste of money! I've said 1000 times that supplements DON'T build muscle or burn fat. And they don't! Overseas the use of supplements can make sense - its a bit of fun for play money. You get very little out of the supps but you lose very little money so its OK. But here in Australia its not OK; its not fun and its not play money! Don't waste your money!

    POSTSCRIPT: Ironically, the supplements that offer the most value in Australia are almost as cheap here as overseas. Phosphatidylserine, zinc, Vitamin D and C are all between $5 and $45 and will do more for your training and health than any 'hormone booster'!

    Anti-Depressants = Pro-Fatteners

    With only one exception, every woman who has come into Biologic Labs weighing over 120kg was using anti-depressants (SSRI's, specifically). And EVERY one of those women had gained 20-60kg AFTER starting the anti-depressants. None were using anti-depressants BECAUSE of their weight!

    In most cases, the prescribing doctor chastised the ladies for even suggesting the drugs were making them fat! They told the women to not blame the drugs for their own bad eating habits. Yet, in most cases, the women had reduced their previous food intake after seeing the anti-depressant induced weight gain!

    So, like alcohol, anti-depressants drug you fat! REALLY fat! For some reason, it is particularly bad in women.

    But the very worst news is, once you've gotten fat from anti-depressants, the weight doesn't ever seem to return to 'normal'; even after long-term cessation of the drugs.

    Certainly in the short term, our anti-depressant using clients have lost a huge amount of fat and gained a lot of muscle. But they seem to stall out and get 'stuck' at a point that is much fatter and heavier than people who just ate themselves fat. Most notably, anti-depressant users just don't lose much WEIGHT!

    I have no idea why anti-depressants so fundamentally wreck human metabolism. But neither do the Psychiatrists who prescribe them nor the drug companies who make them. I have a weak theory that it relates to a disruption in Leptin (the "anti-obesity hormone") function. Leptin 'works' (in simple terms) through brain dopamine receptor activity. An interesting study recently showed that SSRI's cause serotonin to be taken up by dopamine vesicles; theoretically reducing dopamine activity and exacerbating the SSRI induced serotonin/dopamine imbalance.

    Dieting with the help of a dopamine agonist (such as bromocriptine or dostinex) is probably the only solution for people who have gotten fat from anti-depressants. (Dopamine agonists help to maintain the effectiveness of any diet for an extended period without continual reductions in calories). Good luck getting your GP to prescribe one. But a good anti-ageing doctor will be more open minded. And I am more than happy to discuss dopamine-agonist use in dieting with anyone (including doctors).

    Doctors, Psychiatrists and drug companies flat-out deny that anti-depressants cause weight gain. Well, as a Body Recompositioning Specialist, I'm telling you that they most absolutely certainly DO!!! SSRI's will break your metabolism for life!

    Monday, 17 August 2009

    Biologic Labs training vs Other Training Systems

    The fundamental principle underpinning all successful strength training programs is increasing LOAD over time.

    Basic gym training/bodybuilding sort of pays lip-service to increasing loads. The generally popularised method is - to state it another way - do several sets with 80% of 1rm (about 8 reps) and build up your reps each week until that weight equals 75% of 1rm (about 12reps). Then increase the weight to 80% of your new 1rm and repeat. Or something in that vein. (NOTE: '1rm' is short for '1 repetition maximum'; or the maximum load that the subject is capable of lifting just one time).

    Standard powerlifting cycling is based, typically, on building up LOAD each week from 50% 1rm to 105-110% 1rm over 8-12 weeks. Most basic Olympic Lifting programs are very similar.

    Periodisation is (very basically and typically) 8-12 week 'periods' of training within defined ranges of percentages of max load (eg 8 weeks with 50-65% 1rm then 8 weeks with 70-85% 1rm then 8 weeks with 90-100% 1rm). And mostly the loads (or similar measure of training intensity) increase methodically during each 'period'.

    The popular "Westside" Powerlifting system is all about regularly encountering 100% 1rm (max effort days) and trying to beat previous 1rm every 2-4weeks.

    HST, High Intensity, DogCrapp training etc etc are also based on regularly increasing loads over time.

    The consistent principle is that LOADS get pushed up to new max's and then cycled back and built up again. Really, the only substantial arguments among the various systems are over the volume of work and whether to train to failure.

    At Biologic Labs, our approach is to build up training loads over 4-8 week cycles. We build up from about 65% 1rm up to a new 1rm over the course of the cycle. Within that basic structure we might pyramid sets up or down at each workout; we might taper volume from high to low as weight increases; we might do overloads with partial reps at every workout; or use any number of different approaches. BUT, the fundamental principle still remains that training loads get heavier at each workout over a training cycle until going for a new 1rm.

    Where we mostly differ from the other systems is that we push every weight to absolute failure over a very broad load range (60-100% 1rm). This load range means our reps range from 1 to 50! Yes, we FAIL on 30-50 rep sets; we don't just get a burn and stop when loads are light.

    Before every set we do, we use a calculator that predicts our 1rm from the number of reps we achieve with a lesser weight. With this calculator we can target the exact number of reps we need to beat our previous 1rm (or calculated 1rm).

    For example, if my 1rm is 100kg and I am about to lift 72.5kg then my calculator tells me 13 reps equates to a 99kg 1rm and 14 reps equates to a 101kg 1rm. So I know I MUST do 14 reps with 72.5 to prevent going backwards on my previous max. And if I can get 17 reps then I've acheived a 105kg 1rm.

    We have devised our own, very accurate calculator for doing this but there are many calculators on the web that allow you to calculate your 1rm performance on the basis of doing a certain number of reps with a weight. There is even a conservative 1rm calculator with the iPhone App: Gym Buddy.

    In order to consistently beat performances, we use 'effective' form. That is, fast, explosive reps, cheating progressively more and more as absolutely necessary to keep the set going rather than stopping or getting forced reps. In fact, we hate forced reps (ie getting a 'spot')! Our calculator tells us what our 1rm is using the same form. If we get a 'spot' then our calculated 1rm would include getting a spot and that isnt a 1rm!

    Because we're trying to beat previous bests on every set of every exercise, we typically train 2-3 days per week only. You can't beat every performance by training every day. And we NEVER do the popular 4 sets of 4 exercises. We can't imagine a program more unsuitable for consistently beating performances and making progress!

    So the answer to all training questions is that: WEIGHT TRAINING is about WEIGHT! Its not 'rep training' so don't look at rep ranges to shape your programs.
    - Select a group of exercises that cover the major movements (ie leg pushing, back pulling, a row and a chest/shoulder girdle pushing movement).
    - Then plan a methodical increase in your training poundages over a period (4-12 weeks) in order to achieve a new 1rm on those exercises
    - Each workout, lift the weights you've planned for as many reps as you can get even with deteriorated form (so long as its safe and repeatable; there is no place for throwing weights in a manner thats not progress-able).

    You know more than you think!

    Training programs and systems are all either based on science or the unrepeatable, voodoo result of one unusual person. Clearly science is the better way to go. But virtually every scientifically based program gets bogged down justifying itself on the supposed physiological processes occurring inside your body; processes that you will never, ever see, measure, prove or affect; processes that take care of themselves!!!

    Understanding how your body works is all very well and good; but its mostly irrelevant to how you should train. Because whatever does or doesnt apparently occur within your body, everybody already knows what outcomes matter and, mostly, how to achieve them. Let me illustrate:
    - if you can't lift any more weight by the end of a year of weight training then your training failed outright. You KNOW this! It doesnt matter how many amino-acids, pre and post workout shakes, nitric oxide boosters or testosterone boosters you took; it doesnt matter how good your form was; how big you pumped, how sore you got or how much you sweated. You will look exactly the same because you are exactly the same. If you'd changed you would be able to lift more!
    - if you can bench press, squat and deadlift 100kg more at the end of a year of training then you KNOW you will look substantially more muscular than you are now.
    - if you were taught bad exercise technique, never take a supplement, train only 1 day per fortnight, don't sweat and don't get a pump and yet somehow you still increase your bench, squat and deadlift by 100kg (in the same bad form) you will still look substantially more muscular than you are now.

    So you KNOW that the ONLY thing that actually matters when it comes to weight training is the outcome of lifting more weight! Any counter-argument to that point is only saying that NOT lifting more is a valid alternative and you KNOW that is FALSE!!!

    You even KNOW that slow, strict 'form' isnt THAT important; especially because you KNOW you can never make any strength gains lifting super slow and super strict. And you know that your supplements arent going to make you grow. You KNOW its about lifting weight!

    So, lets say you find yourself in an East-Asian prison, given a gym and an infinite supply of food and told you would be released as soon as you could bench, squat and deadlift 100kg more than you can now, WOULD YOU TRAIN THE WAY YOU DO NOW?

    Nobody I've posed this question to has answered 'yes'. Because everybody knows that their training isnt directed towards what matters: LIFTING HEAVIER WEIGHTS!!!!

    So you KNOW what you need to achieve in the gym and you KNOW what you're doing wont achieve that. So what ARE you doing?

    If you want to know the solution, just start with what else you KNOW. Ask questions to yourself and work with the answers you KNOW.
    - If you want to lift as much as possible, why would you ever do 10 reps and stop if you were capable of more?
    - If you want to lift as much as possible, why would you bother with exercises that nobody can lift any weight on? (eg pec deck, leg extensions)
    - If you want to be as strong as possible, why aren't you doing heavy deadlifts and squats?
    - If you want to be the best you can be, why do you have your mates helping you lift all your weights?
    - If you want to look like a healthy, strong, muscle-man or figure-woman, why are you eating like a sparrow and running like a distance runner?
    etc etc etc

    The point is: trust yourself. You KNOW more than you give yourself credit for and you probably know more about what you need to know than the instructors and scientists that you KNOW are wrong!